Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
