i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
