I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
