I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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