i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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