"it" just moved
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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