Are we in a gay sports bar?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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