Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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