Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
