I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
