By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
