I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
