watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
