i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
