Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
