All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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