I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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