I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
