can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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