It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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