We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
