is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
