Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
