Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
