She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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