Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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