I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
