i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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