why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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