I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
