Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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