She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
