I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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