I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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