it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
