I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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