this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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