Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
