Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
