No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
