She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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