You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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