You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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