I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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