No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
