I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
