we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
