I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.