I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
