There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
