I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize