It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
