it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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