Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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