I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
3pm strippers are depressing
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.