its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.