Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
