I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
