Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
