do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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