i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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