Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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