Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk is not a location!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
