Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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