remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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