Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
