Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
