your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
