I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
