Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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