Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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