a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
