Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
