Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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