he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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