I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She told me I should be a condom model.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
