now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
