I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize