Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
