the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
