I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
