Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
